![]() 'I close my eyes and I see her that day she went out to hunt the first time. ![]() that I let Feyre go into that forest and told myself I didn't care, that she was half-wild, and it didn't matter, and yet.' She let out a wrenching cry. But I was so angry, and I wanted him to try, to fight for us, but he didn't, and I would have let us all starve to prove what a wretch he was. 'I should have found a way to save us before then. it's torture.'Ī wave of words pushed themselves out of her. ![]() I don't know how I'll ever not hear his neck snapping when I'm near a fire. “My father's death, it's- it's the reason I can't stand fires.' Her entire body, right down to her bones, trembled.” She didn't fight it, not as he tucked her against his chest. Then his arms were around her, and she was being pulled into his lap. 'Nesta.' Her name was a sigh- as if he were pained. And there was nothing that could have been done.' She shook her head, face still in her hands, as if it'd shield her from him, but he said, 'Your father's death is not your fault. Wanted her body to come apart like a cracked egg, wanted what was left of her soul to drift away on the mountain wind.Ĭassian said quietly, 'It isn't your fault.' She sobbed so hard she thought her body would break with it. I can't fix that he is dead, I can't fix what I said to Feyre, I can't fix any of the horrible things I've done. She bowed over her knees, saying into her palms, 'I can't undo it. I was so, so horrid to him all my life- and still he somehow loved me. 'And I was so horrid to him, until the very end. He died because I didn't stop it.' Her voice broke, and she wept harder. 'He came to save me, and fought for me, and I let him die with hate in my heart. Through her hands on her face, she continued to whisper. Let them flow through her, as she whispered, 'I let him die.' The list of reasons surged, fighting to get out, to voice themselves, and she let them decide. Don't- don't be kind to me.' The words were a sobbing, rippling jumble. 'Nesta.' His fingers grazed her shoulder. As if a dam had burst and only letting the water run its course, raging through her, would suffice. He didn't touch her, but his voice was nearby as he said, 'I'm here.' She sobbed into the darkness of her hands.Īnd then the stones clicked, and a warm, steady presence appeared beside her. Let herself see Feyre's pale, devastated face as Nesta had revealed the truth, as she'd let her own anger and pain ride her. She allowed every horrible thought to hit her, wash through her. She knelt on the shore of that mountain lake and let go entirely. “Once the wrenching, gaping sounds came out of her, Nesta knew she could not stop.
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